i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Randomize
