the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
being pregnant is like rehab
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
