I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
