How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
even my farts smell like vagina
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
