Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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