he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
