It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
