Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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