return my video game
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
