What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
