New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
