the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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