I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the condom got lost in my hair
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
