I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
