How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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