Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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