Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
