I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
