Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
