SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
