Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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