I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
