She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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