Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
