We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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