My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
