One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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