I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
