i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
