Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
