You can't motorboat a personality
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
