So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
