Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I supernannyed him into submission
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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