I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
