never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
