I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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