I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
