I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
