Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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