I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
