i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
