I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
