I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
These tits shall not be calmed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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