this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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