Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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