I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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