At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
