The maid of honor just puked.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
