It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
