Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
